I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
