I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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