im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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