So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
