Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
