I just cut my nipple shaving
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
