i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found your dick twin last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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