You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
