I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have tasted many bathrooms
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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