good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
