yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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