before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
