Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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