you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
