Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
