this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
