she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
