Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My balls are so social today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
