Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
