cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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