I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
