it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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