last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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