on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
