Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
