Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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