do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
