I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
