I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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