Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
