dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
