When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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