Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
