I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
high people should be assigned attendants
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
