i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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