i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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