Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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