hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
