remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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