i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
