Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
