Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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