How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Moan for me like Helen Keller
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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