ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
