How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
