oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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