I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
