My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
