So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In other news, I just burned my penis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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