just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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