The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
