You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
