just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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