Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
