So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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