Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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