mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
People in love make me want to vomit
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party