I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.