BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.