I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.