Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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