just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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