I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
