i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
