Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
