So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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