His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
