I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
