I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
