Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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