Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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