What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My pussy is not your playground.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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