It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
