Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
