My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
