And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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