I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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