fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
