I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
