I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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