So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
